Avenue Max
by GuidexYouxHome
Summary: Every MR fan has, at one point at another, wished they had wings. The Flock wishes to give you a message: you do not, under any circumstances, want wings. To prove this, they offer you an insight to their true, boring, horrible lives. Oneshot


I wanted to post this one-chapter story because...well...it needed to be done. It's random and pointless, but perhaps it'll give some of you a laugh. Or, perhaps you'll think it's stupid. Either way… Have Fun! And PS: I do not own Maximum Ride or Avenue Q.

The sun was shining, the skies were clear. It was a beautiful day, and for once, the flock had decided to take a day off. But of course, for them, even days off can turn into utter chaos, as you will soon discover.

A large, wolfish boy with a bowed head paced slowly up and down the walkway, his eyes narrowed. If anyone were to stumble across the scene and were not scared away by the boy's appearance, they might think that he was depressed or deep in thought. And they'd be right.

Suddenly, the Eraser looked up at the sound of familiar wing-beats. In the blink of an eye, Max had landed beside him, smiling slightly.

"Morning, Ari!" She greeted.

"Oh, hi Maximum." Ari replied glumly.

"How's life?" Max kicked a stone.

"Disappointing!" He growled in return, causing the winged girl to look up at him.

"What's the matter?" She asked curiously.

"The School laid me off." Ari huffed.

"Aww, I'm sorry." She replied, uncharacteristically sympathetic.

"Me too!" Whined Ari. "I mean, look at me!" Max looked him up and down, frowning and wincing at the half-lupine sight. "I'm ten years out of college, and I always thought…" The Eraser continued before trailing off.

[iTen years out of college? He's seven years old![/i Max thought incredulously, but put the fact aside because of what her friend had just said. "What?" She asked blankly.

Ari sighed. "No, it sounds stupid."

"Aw, come on!" She nudged him. Ari hesitated, mulling over his words.

"When I was little, I thought I would be…" He began unsurely.

"What?" Max prompted.

"…A big comedian on late-night T.V."

Unable to restrain it, Max chuckled. "Oh."

Ari frowned. "But now I'm seven, and as you can see…I'm not."

"Nope." Grinned Max.

"Oh well."

"Mmm." 

"It sucks to be me!" Ari blurted suddenly. Max's brown eyes widened.

"No!" She protested.

"It sucks to be me!" He insisted.

"No!"

"It sucks to be broke and unemployed and not know my A.B.C's! It sucks to be me!" Ari finished defiantly.

"You think your life sucks?" Max snapped irritably.

"I think so!"

She rolled her eyes. "You're problems aren't so bad." Glaring at the Eraser, she began. "I'm kind of pretty, and pretty damn smart." She growled.

"You are!" Ari agreed.

"Thanks. I like romantic things like music and art." Max lied on the spot, just to make it rhyme. "And as you know, I have a gigantic heart. So why don't I have a boyfriend?! BEEP!"

Her violent curse was beeped out, but Max paid no mind. "It sucks to be me!"

"Me too!" Agreed Ari.

"It sucks to be me!"

"It sucks to be me! It sucks to be Brian!" Ari pointed to some random guy on the street.

"And Kate!" Max pointed in the opposite direction, at some loser girl.

"To not have a job!" Yelled Ari.

"To not have a date!" Max added.

"It sucks to be me." They finished in harmony.

Suddenly, they were interrupted by a loud argument as two of the other Flock members approached without seeming to notice Max or Ari.

"You're not my mother, Iggy!" Gazzy's voice carried above the rest of the argument, causing Max to raise an eyebrow.

"Hey Iggy, Gazzy, can you settle something for us? Do you have a second?" Asked Ari gruffly. They exchanged a glance.

"Uh, certainly." Iggy said.

"Who's life sucks more, Ari's or mine?" Max demanded.

The two boys exchanged a glance. "Ours!!" They stated in unison.

"We live together." Iggy told them.

"We're close as people can get." Added the Gasman.

"We've been the best of buddies," Started Iggy, but Gazzy interrupted.

"Ever since the day we met!"

"So he knows lots of ways to make me really upset! Oh, everyday is an aggravation." Spat Iggy.

"Come on, now, that's an exaggeration!" Whined Gazzy.

"You leave your clothes out!" Snapped Iggy, to prove is point. "You put your feet on my chair!

"Oh yeah?!" Scowled Gazzy. "You do such anal things, like ironing your underwear!"

Max and Ari burst out laughing.

"You make that very small apartment we share a hell!" Snarled Iggy.

"So do you! That's why I'm in hell too!" Gazzy stuck his tongue out.

"It sucks to be me!" Iggy burst.

"No, it sucks to be me!" Gazzy argued.

"It sucks to be me!" Trilled Max.

"It sucks to be me!" Yelled Ari.

"Is there anybody here it doesn't suck to be? It sucks to be me." They sang, then proceeded to dance in a circle and hum. It was then that Angel appeared, her eyes widening.

"Why are you all so happy?" She asked incredulously.

"Because our lives suck!" Gazzy grinned.

"[iYour[/i lives suck?" Angel asked, randomly developing an accent. "I hearing you correctly? Ha! I come into this country for opportunity. Try to work in Korean Deli…but I am Japanese!"

"Angel, you're not—" Began Max frankly, but Angel was already too in to her story telling.

"But with hard work I earn two master degrees in social work!" She continued. "And now I am therapist! And I have no clients! And I have unemployed fiancée!" She snarled at Ari, slapping him. "And we have lots of bills to pay!"

Ari whimpered.

"It suck to be me!" Sang Angel "It suck to be me! I say it suckka suckka suckka suckka suckka suckka suck! It suck to be me."

"Excuse me?" Fang eyed them nervously as he entered.

"Hey there!" Said Ari. Fang just stared at him hatefully.

"I'm looking for a place to live." Fang beat around the bush, since everyone had conveniently forgotten to mention that they had moved into the old apartment on Avenue Q.

"Sorry to bother you," Fang added sarcastically. "But I'm looking for a place to live."

Angel, missing the point, asked, "Why are you looking all the way out here?"

Fang stared blankly. "Well, I started in Avenue A, but everything was out of my price range. But this neighborhood looks a lot cheaper. Oh, look, a 'For Rent' sign." He said dryly, every word dripping with sarcasm.

The Flock still didn't get it.

"You need to talk to the superintendent. Let me get her. YO, NUDGE!" Yelled Ari.

"I'm comin', I'm comin'!" A grouchy voice sounded as Nudge flew toward them and made quite a dramatic entrance.

"Nudge? What are you—" Fang started, but Nudge cut him off.

"Wrong. Gary Coleman!" She grinned proudly.

"I'm Gary Coleman of T.V.'s 'Different Strokes'. I made a lot of money that got stolen by my folks! Now I'm broke, and I'm the butt of everyone's jokes! But I'm here, the superintendent of Avenue Q!" Nudge explained.

"It sucks to be you!" Everyone yelled.

"You win!" Max said seriously.

"It sucks to be you!"

"I feel better now!" Ari grinned.

"Try having people stopping you to ask you 'What you talkin' about, Willis?' It gets old." Grouched Nudge.

"It sucks to be you!"

"It sucks to be me!"

"On Avenue Q!"

"Sucks to be you!"

"On Avenue Q!"

"Sucks to be us, but not when we're together!" Everyone burst into song again. "We're together, here on Avenue Q! We live on Avenue Q! Our friends do, too. Till our dreams come true, we live on Avenue Q!"

"This is real life!" Gushed Fang.

"We live on Avenue Q!"

"You're gonna love it!" Grinned Gazzy.

"We live on Avenue Q!"

"Here are your keys," Nudge chimed.

"Welcome to Avenue Q!"

You get the point. You may wish you had wings, but you shouldn't. If you were part of this flock, your life would suck. Period.


End file.
